working through the work.

It seems like no matter when it is that I stop to take stock of my life, it is always filled with things.

Last week I approached an anniversary that I would rather forget, one that changed my life and my husbands forever. June 19, 2008 I lost my job. To make a REALLY long story short, I had invested 5 years, countless overtime hours, not to mention blood, sweat and tears into my job. It was my plan, it was my future, and I was safe there. Or so I thought. Things came crashing down in such a way that is unreal even to me (the person who experienced it!).

What made it worse, was that my husband had just returned from a 2 week stint overseas entertaining the troops with a USO comedy tour. In order to take that opportunity, and to share his support with our troops, he had to leave his job the week before he left for Iraq. I was totally supportive, and we were totally secure. I was making more than enough salary for the both of us, and it was important thing in both of our hearts that he go over there and share some laughter with the people who need it most.

Within days of his return, I lost my job and we were beside ourselves. Both of us unemployed only a mere 3 months before our big Vegas wedding weekend. Needless to say, wedding aside, we were at our lowest point imaginable.

So last week and this I have been thinking about the last year and everything that has happened. This time last year we had nothing but each other. Luckily I had savings earmarked for the wedding, so we were able to keep up with bills, etc. and my parents generously supplemented the wedding fund to help us through. But we were at rock bottom, with only each other to cling to. I think that time is one of the most prominent in the "history of hubby and I" that really solidified our future in my mind. Don't get me wrong, I always knew I wanted to marry him, but after all that, I knew life could throw nothing at us that we could not endure together.

(The cat4 hurricane that nearly wiped us off the face of the planet on the weekend IMMEDIATELY following our wedding was another instance of that solidarity...)

So what did we do? The only thing we could do. We picked each other up and clawed our way back out. I took the first job that came along, and so did he. (in this economy, we were fortunate to get work so quickly...) Now, only a year later, hubby has established his own business that has him booked solid for the next 4 months. I have implemented a new division at my job that has subsequently allowed me to cut my office hours down to Tuesdays and Thursdays, and be at home the rest of the week.

Not only are we doing better financially than we were back then, but we're happier. We worked hard to get back up, and I think it means more now. It means that no matter what speed bumps we may come across, we know we are capable of starting over - starting from scratch if needed.

It's hard for me to look back and not remember the anger and betrayal we felt then. Nothing could have prepared us for what happened, but I am SO proud of us for getting back up, and getting going. Things have improved so drastically since then, and it's only been a year!I see terrible headlines about people committing suicide, killing their families, burning their foreclosed houses down, etc. and I think... my GOD. So many people are struggling, so many people feel that they have nowhere to turn. It is those times when we must look within ourselves and determine what we are really made of.

I pray more now. Hubby definitely prays more than he did then. And every single day I thank the Lord, my lucky stars, and any other higher power that will listen for giving us the strength, endurance and gumption to keep going and stay positive.

There are no dead ends in life. Only opportunities to make a new path.

it's monday.

Monday's are always tough for me. I think it's partly because I never want to go to work, but it's also partly because the hubby doesn't work on Mondays, and it's hard to want to go anywhere when I know he's at home already. :) It's not that I don't like my job... I do. I just don't like the constraints of the "9 to 5-er" life, and the hour commute each morning and evening. I just don't think I was "built" for it, plus before I took this job I had quite a bit of freedom in my previous position to come and go as I please, run my pertinent errands during the day, and take time off as needed. I should have appreciated it more at the time.

But I guess I'm paying my dues now, so I need to suck it up.

The economy has really done a good job at knocking some of us down a peg. It was just about this time last summer that I lost my previous job. Not that I would have wanted to stay on much longer, but it would have been nice to have some warning. Or at least some time to plan. Instead, I went unemployed for 2 of the 3 months right before my wedding, and took the first job that popped up. I went from making nearly 6 figures, back down to making what I made at my first post-college job. It was definitely an ego check. But I am certainly thankful that I have a job at all.

I really shouldn't complain. My husband's business is doing VERY well considering what's going on with the economy, we just moved into a new house, I just bought a new car, we have a wonderful marriage, and we're thinking about babies. I just don't feel quite as useful anymore.

Normally, I would feel okay about things if I could be "Suzy Homemaker" on my off time, but even that hasn't worked out the way I would hope. By the time I get home from work around 7, there's just not much time to clean, do laundry, dishes, and dinner. So not only am I no longer bringing in the nice chunk of dough that I used to, but now I can hardly keep up with my own housework too. Don't get me wrong... my hubby helps out all the time. Plus he also does all the yard work, honey do's, and car maintenance. But he shouldn't have to... I'm plenty capable, and definitely organized, so there's no reason why I can't handle this. I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels.

It's just Monday. And I definitely feel it.

get back on track.

I am easily distracted. Obviously. However, instead of beating myself up about my shortcoming, I am going to embrace it and hopefully make it work.

I hear this morning that newspapers are reporting their own eminent deaths. Print media is going out of style, and fast. How sad that they can see it coming?

BREAKING STORY! WE'RE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS!
BUY OUR PAPER AND READ ALL ABOUT IT!

(Not that I have much elbow room here, at least half of my job revolves around print media, but that's probably another blog.) What I do not understand, however, is why they are letting it happen? Get on that multimedia bandwagon people! Stop reporting on how your industry is going down the tubes, and get out there and try new things. Blog! Promote your online news site! Something!! Just because the company started out as a newspaper, doesn't mean it has to stay that way. Look at Proctor&Gamble. They started out as a soap and candle company in 1837, and now they produce and develop everything from dog food, to cosmetics, to batteries, to kitchen appliances. Business is all about adapting to the current economic climate, not succumbing to it. Looks like the newspapers' marketing departments are falling down on the job...


I also hear that the price of ammunition is being raised within the next month to accommodate a new tax Mr. O felt was necessary. So now, people are going to be paying almost 3 times what they were pre-taxation for their ammo. As far as the basics of economics go, it seems that this will lend to more ammo buying now (stockpiling if you will), and lots and lots of angry people.

Angry People + Lots of Ammo = Really Bad Things.

There has already been marked increases in the number of people applying for concealed handgun licenses in the last 3 months. (3 months huh... strange correlation to the timing of the inauguration.) I wish there was some explanation for this, but it seems that accomplishing personal agendas at the expense of the tax payers is what Mr. O does best. So I guess we'll see what happens. In the meantime, I'll see you guys out at the shooting range. LOL ;)

that space between the weekend.

Ah yes, Monday morning... The dull beginning to that space on the calendar that lies between the weekends. I think the weekends should be 3 days. It seems like that would be a much more realistic balance between the things you have to do and the things you want to do. I always feel like I'm getting cheated.

You mean, I have to go to work and serve someone else for 5 days, and in return all I get is a measly 2 days to myself?? That just doesn't make sense. But then again, I don't make the rules. Maybe Mr. O would like to give this scenario a stab since he seems to be hell bent on giving the people "what they want" no matter how ridiculous the request. That, however, is another blog entirely.

I find that Mondays are an excellent opportunity for reflection. Today, I am spending a few moments be thankful that I didn't die.

Amid my industrious endeavors this weekend, I found myself flat on my rear, one knee deep in the deck, with a pair of branch shears in my hands. It's a miracle I did not impale myself with those shears, but somehow I managed to toss them to the side as I was tumbling to the ground. Looks like the deck needs some board replacement, as they are definitely rotted in that section, LOL. Luckily, I walked away with a bruised ankle bone and not a sprain or a break, but it sure did hurt like hell.

My reward for not killing myself: a hot bubble bath and a nap. ;) The more I thought about it, the luckier I realized I was. That situation could have gone badly in so many ways, and I am just thankful it didn't. Now... I guess I'll jump head first into the dim space between the weekends and try to power through until Friday!!

motivation.

Motivation is like sex drive (well, at least from a female perspective.) It kind of comes and goes. And when it's there, it's like the only thing you can think about, and you're totally dedicated to every facet of the process. When it goes, you can't remember what you were all worked up about before anyway.

I've been feeling that way about my job lately. It's been so difficult to stay motivated, because everything around here is so unorganized.

When I was hired, I took a few weeks to really learn the business and dive in head first. After that, I was bored. I was tripling the previous sales margins, and signing huge clients left and right. Great, huh? BORING! I had been piddling with minor projects here and there, database organization, a system for inventory tracking, more marketing projects... but it still wasn't enough.

After only 3 months of working here, I pitched an idea for a new division of the company to my boss. Turns out, she loved it and was looking to do something along those lines in the future anyway. How thrilled she was with me and my ideas and my executions! Yay! Finally something interesting to do. Long story short... things are up and running, duties have been delegated and I'm bored again.

Sigh.

I don't know what it is that I need to stay motivated, but this is not cutting it. I feel like I'm wasting my time and commuting an hour each way to do so. What's worse is that the pay is not even that great. Not good enough to stay very long, but not so bad that I would leave hastily. I'm stuck in mediocre HELL. Help!

taking a stand.

I guess I'm ready to sit down and write about this now. I was thinking that maybe I wouldn't, maybe I would just let it go and move on, but now I am hearing that my good name is being drug through the mud, so here I am.

It's coming out, ALL OF IT:

I have been a loyal, dedicated employee of the Laff Stop for almost 4 years now. I was hired on as the "Office Manager" in 2004 under Pete Prelli. Pete as you all know, had his issues, but that's another story entirely. I came on to work under him and within 6 months had taken over the operational aspects of everything in that business so that he would be free to come and go as he please, or be there at night, or whatever excuses were made as to why I was doing all the work all the time.

THEN late in 2006, as has happened with so many others, I got into it with Pete and I quit. While I was nice enough to stay on for a couple of months to ease the transition, I was gone by October of 2006. In December of 2006, I got a call from Jeff McFerrin (the silent partner in the Laff Stop) begging me to come back on, offering me a raise, and letting me know that he was getting ready to out Pete from the club completely, and that he needed me to take over fully when Pete was gone. So of course, out of obligation to the Laff Stop, the comedy scene, and the sheer magnitude of the opportunity itself, I said "yes".

I came back, suffered through 6 more months of tyranny with Pete, keeping Jeff's little secret, and waiting for my turn. Finally the time came, Jeff cut the cord with Pete. Jerry and I lost friends, we had to have security around at all times due to the dangerous situation Jeff put us in, but we powered through. Jeff did not send Pete to jail for embezzling over $300,000.00 over the course of 3 years, nor did he seek ANY punitive damages from him. In fact, he PAID Pete an additional $10,000.00 just to shut up and walk away. Does that make sense to anyone??

The next 3 months were indescribable. I lived in fear for my life, I screened ALL of my calls, and I never went anywhere alone at night. I was too afraid. Jeff had left too many loose ends with Pete, and I knew that I was the 1 target. But guess what? I kept moving forward. I had to. The comedy scene needed me, the Laff Stop needed me, and Jeff McFerrin needed me. So I kept booking shows, I kept trying to come up with new ways to cultivate the comedy scene, and I always entertained ideas from the local comics to help get them involved in "their" club. I worked nights, I worked weekends, all in addition to my daytime 9-5, just to get the club moving on the right track again.

At the beginning of 2008, after I had been giving my heart, my soul, and my LIFE to the Laff Stop and to Jeff, I was told it was being considered for sale. Honestly, I didn't worry much. The Laff Stop has been "in the red" for about 3 years now, and only an idiot would sign on to take that kind of financial obligation over. I mean, the rent is $15,000/month alone. Then factor in comic fees, taxes, payroll, and all the other bills and expenses, and you're looking at needing $70,000.00 a month in INCOME just to BREAK EVEN. We've been averaging about $15,000 a month in income, so you can see where this is going...

In another attempt to ease my nerves, Jeff promised me that he would make sure that no matter what "he could still shut down and pay rent & severance of a few months' salary to me and still be in a better situation." So I felt pretty good... even if the club couldn't make it, at least I wouldn't walk away empty handed. So I carried on, business as usual. He kept me posted on what was going on, but nothing was happening and we weren't getting any bites. Then Don Learned shows up. Don and Jeff start having all these meetings, and all of a sudden I'm getting a really bad feeling about things.

Next, they come to me and reveal the plan. Don's pretty much broke, so he can't BUY the Laff Stop outright as planned. What Jeff has decided to do is bring Don on (like another "Pete" arrangement) where he would be running the club and Jeff is still the owner. They start talking about downsizing, closing the office, firing everyone and "starting fresh". They talked about closing down Open Mic, canceling the contest forever, and kuput to all the showcase shows. I lost it. They weren't even going to let me tell my 20 some-odd employees, they wouldn't let me give them ANY notice OR compensation at all, and then they pulled MY severance package. That was the last straw.

I laid it down to Jeff in an incredibly unflattering email. (Unflattering for him... if you wanna read that too, let me know I'll be happy to share it.) Sure, it was harsh, it was pointed, and it was every "civil" attempt at chopping him off at the knees that I could come up with. I reminded him of what he would be facing if I left, reminded him that the staff is going to lynch him, and and reminded him of his "promises" that, coming from Jeff McFerrin mean absolutely squat.

He didn't even bother calling me back before he changed the locks on the club.

So, I was "fired" for standing up for what I believed in. For trying to get some severance to spread meagerly around to my employees, and for trying to get this "Loyal, Fair AGGIE" who supposedly lives by the credo of "AGGIE integrity" (maybe he should look that word up...) to stand by his word as a MAN, and as a leader. Sucks huh?

So yeah, I fell on the sword... in hopes that others would be saved, and even more would be educated. It has been nothing but detrimental to me, I mean, come on, I'm jobless, I've got a wedding to pay for in 2 months, we definitely won't be taking a honeymoon now, and on top of that my name is being smeared by someone who doesn't even deserve to speak it. So yeah, I'm speaking up to anyone who will listen. And when I go to bed each night I PRAY that nothing but misfortune befalls Jeff McFerrin, Don Learned, and the Laff Stop.