Tuesday, March 29, 2005


I am youth's soldier chasing down an endless dawn.

"Suddenly I realize
That if I stepped out of my body
I would break
into blossom."
-James Wright

"I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need."
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Don't ask questions about longing, look into my face."

pieces of you.

"She's a pretty girl, does she make you think nasty thoughts?
She's a pretty girl, do you want to tie her down?
She's a pretty girl, do you call her a bitch?
She's a pretty girl, did she sleep with your whole town?
Pretty girl, pretty girl...
Do you hate her 'cause she's pieces of you?"

civil wars.

What is my civil war about? Is it the fear of being held in the warmth of familiar love versus the fear of running through the fog searching for love? Each holds its own terrors, extracts its own pound of flesh.

Flesh. Now we draw closer. Can I soften to love, with the full knowledge of the suffering I welcome in? Thomas Merton said the love we most cherish will, of necessity, bring us pain. Because that love is like the setting of a body with broken bones.

But I want to stage the setting. I want to direct the scenes.