Saturday, February 27, 2010

the exploitation locker.

I've been hearing alot of hype about this movie, "The Hurt Locker," a movie telling the story of soldiers overseas fighting the Afghani and Iraqi war. It's supposed to be gritty, real, heart wrenching, and the best representation of our boys over there right now.

As a friend/ex-girlfriend/acquaintance of many people different people serving overseas, and the wife of a comedian who has also been over there touring with the USO, I can always appreciate people who bring the truth of the soldiers' situation to light. Based on stories I've heard, and accounts from my husband's interactions with the soldiers, the media does them no justice. Their story NEEDS to be told from an unbiased source... if not from their own mouths. The soldiers need to be acknowledged for all that they're put through, and everything they're doing for us. So many of them are giving the ultimate sacrifice for their "job" and the numbers that reflect those people's lives seem to be being brushed under the rug.

That being said, I am very disappointed by what I'm hearing about this movie and the makers of it. While it is apparently an excellent rendition of the true life of the soldiers overseas, it seems unfair and even unethical the money and recognition these moviemakers are garnering for this film. For them to stand up in front of audiences and thank the soldiers, wish them the best, and then take home a big fat check- seems wrong. It actually seems a bit like exploitation. Sure, the movie is "real," it's "gritty," and it "shows the real side" of what's going down over there. But does that give these moviemakers the excuse to tell these stories and not only take the credit, but also take the money? It seems like if they are truly trying to bring light to these situations, as they say they are, then they could find a constructive way to pay it forward to the people it really belongs to. How about new kevlar since there's plenty of troops doing without at this point? Or a charity to help the next-of-kin to those who are lost in action? It seems like there's something they could do, instead of just stuff their own pockets.

Yesterday, I found a story on Yahoo! about these very same moviemakers soliciting votes from Academy Awards panelists. The email is panhandling in a very pathetic way... I'll go ahead and attach it here so you can check it out yourself:

I hope all is well with you. I just wanted to write you and say I hope you liked Hurt Locker and if you did and want us to win, please tell (name deleted) and your friends who vote for the Oscars, tell actors, directors, crew members, art directors, special effects people, if everyone tells one or two of their friends, we will win and not a $500M film, we need independent movies to win like the movies you and I do, so if you believe The Hurt Locker is the best movie of 2010, help us!
I'm sure you know plenty of people you've worked with who are academy members whether a publicist, a writer, a sound engineer, please take 5 minutes and contact them. Please call one or two persons, everything will help!
best regards,
Nicolas Chartier Voltage Pictures

To me, this is absolutely inexcusable. I know that people rally for their movies when it comes to Oscar time, but this seems like it's crossing the line. ESPECIALLY considering the fact that they're already basically exploiting the soldiers they claim to care about so much. It's sickening to me.

Maybe I'm taking it too personally because I have so much personal emotion invested in "the story" but knowing what I know, it all just seems so wrong to me.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

inspiring and though provoking...

"It almost never fails: tell someone that you're going through something, or that you're in a rut, or that you're having a tough time seeing things change in your life, and their send-off advice will be some form of, "pray on it," or, "I'll be praying for you." Sometimes people say it because it sounds like the right thing to do, and other times people say it because they honestly believe that prayer is the catalyst for seeing an immediate change in your circumstance."


the tired cycle.

I'm tired.
I'm tired, and I can't sleep, and I'm stressed out.
Plus I have a biopsy of a Fibroadenoma (golf ball sized tumor) in my right breast Monday morning.
All things that are contributing to a crappy day.

At the very least, I am supposed to stay healthy, strong, and not stressed for the sake of the baby. I feel like I'm doing the very best that I can, but it's really difficult to accomplish those things when I can't sleep. I don't think maybe I was cut out to carry a baby. My narrow hips and tiny ass don't give way to the changes a growing baby demands. I'm hurting and more sore than from any workout I've ever had. I knew that my ligaments would stretch- they have to for everyone- but my GOD, I can hardly walk, let alone sleep. It gets worse when I lay down, because then my hips start to throb and my legs start to tingle... so I'm constantly moving around trying to find a comfy spot. If I'm lucky, I get 4 hours of sleep a night. Not 4 hours straight, but like 2 hours here and 2 hours there. And I'm only 24 weeks along.

Then there's the boob thing. I've always had huge ones. It's genetic. My mom, and my grandmothers on both sides of the family are very well-endowed, but I put all three of them to shame. PRE-PREGNANCY. Duh, I know your breasts grow during pregnancy, that's a given, but there was this pesky little problem beforehand- the fibroadenoma. I had it tested by MD Anderson Cancer Center in 2006 and thankfully it was benign, so they left it be. (How lucky am I to live so close to quite possibly the best cancer facility in the nation?) They said since I was so young, and it didn't seem to present a problem, that they were going to leave it alone an monitor it periodically as the years go by. I personally thought it would just be better to go ahead and get it out of there... no tumor, no possible future problems, right?

Well now I'm pregnant and my hormones are going psycho crazy, my breasts are growing to alarming proportions and the doctors are worried. Not worried that it could suddenly be cancerous, but that it could be causing me major problems now that it's reacting with the sudden tissue growth and ever-changing hormone levels. So... they're going to test it again. They keep telling me not to worry, but when I ask, they don't want to be too specific. My OBGYN says that there is a real possibility that due to hormone related changes and movement that they'll want to remove it before the baby is born. Ah... if they had only taken it out 4 years ago when it WASN'T a problem... instead of facing the possibility of having surgery while I'm pregnant. (Which from what I understand is not necessarily the best scenario for me or baby.)

So I'm trying not to stress... and trying to think positive. Luckily I have great doctors, and I feel very comfortable that they will do everything right by me and my baby. So we will see...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

a boost today.

I sometimes contribute to another blog ( and most recently shared my "letter" to my little girl on their blog. Well, I must've forgotten to click the box to notify me of new comments, and was feeling a little down that I hadn't gotten anything. Not that it was a revolutionary post from me, but because it's such a great blog to contribute to, comments run rampant. Lots of supportive women out there, and it's a great place to share things and get some great female perspective.

Anyway, I thought I would pop by and check on it this afternoon, and lo and behold there WERE comments! I had 8 wonderful comments from other women sharing their congrats, their love stories, and laugh stories about their kids and their pregnancies. It totally made my day!

One thing I know about being pregnant is that it's completely unpredictable. You need an outlet, and you need people to talk to, because it's not always what you expected. More on that later. ;)

so I finally made the switch.

It was time. And as much as I hated to, I finally changed my URL so those who found my blog and caused me problems can no longer do so. I really really hate to keep bringing this up, but what I hate even more is the fact that I'm thinking about it. And unfortunately, because I'm thinking about it, I'm not writing. I feel compromised and hurt by what happened, and the only thing that makes it worse is the fact that it's invaded my MOST personal space and my most personal thoughts.

One of the most beautiful things about the blog world is that you can be as conspicuous as you like. There are some bloggers that could be considered "famous" in their own right. On the other side of the coin, there are plenty of bloggers who choose to keep their identities shrouded for the sake of privacy. So far, I have found myself in the middle. I don't mind people knowing my name, it doesn't bother me to post pictures of myself and my husband, but at the same time, I know that there really isn't anyone out there that I "know" reading my blog.

That level of inconspicuousness is comfortable for me. I have always felt that I can be candid and true to my feelings without censoring my thoughts "just in case" someone specific reads whatever I write. My husband has the link to my blog, but he rarely reads it unless I ask him to. Sometimes there are things I like to get his opinion on because he has the insight into my life that no one else has, and he's also a very talented writer. We're good that way. But other than him, it's just you. All of you out there that I may know on a first name basis, or even a pseudonym basis only. I like it that way. I value your opinions and I treasure your comments. You don't judge me from an emotional basis, or on a personal level for any reason, and that to me is unbelievably liberating.

So in light of the fact that I felt that link of privacy had been broken, and it was in turn hampering my writing in a way that essentially left me dead in the water, I decided to change my URL. The people who "know" me probably won't notice a difference since I decided to leave the actual name of my blog the same, but at least now I feel a little safer.

This is a HUGE time in my life and in the course of my family, and I want to write about it! Not to mention all the "regular stuff" that I like to write about. I'm done being stifled, and I'm done being scared. IN the grand scheme of things, a URL is such a small thing anyway. :)