Friday, October 21, 2005
She hung out with Andrea and I last night after the show and I have to tell you, she has her shit together. It's so awesome to talk to a woman who has totally made herself and is confident enough to admit that. I always appreciate someone who can be real and tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear.
She may be the "Queen of Mean" onstage, but she is really a great person to talk with and could probably teach me many things! All I'm saying is I won't complain when she calls me a cunt or a twat because I know she means it with love. haha
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
So I always hear that everyone has that "one" person in their life. A person who you would give up everything and run to the ends of the earth for. Someone with whom, no matter the time or distance between you, you will always be able to pick up right where you left off. The one that is and will always be "the love of your life." Well, what does that mean, exactly? Does that mean that no matter how hard you try to love someone else just as much, that you will never be sucessful? Or does it mean that this one person is truly "the one" you are supposed to be with for the rest of your life and if you missed the boat that you are just S.O.L.?
I am not entirely sure that I have a clear cut view on this issue, but it's hard not to at least consider it given the recent happenings in my life. A few months ago I had the man who I consider to be that "one" for me right within my reach... so close that I could taste the kiss that will defne all others who come after him. But I foolishly passed on my chance so that I could spend even more uneccessary time realizing what I had already known for quite some time about my present relationship. I am now finding myself in a position of choice: I no longer have the obligations that initially held me back, but I am afraid that I have indeed missed the boat, and it is not willing to come back to get me.
I do not know that I can live with this quandry. Fate has somehow crossed our seemingly unlikely paths once again (how many chances can one girl get?!?) and I feel that I must do whatever it takes to follow through this time. I do not know if I should make every effort possible to help him understand that I always have and always will feel that he is "the one" or if I should just chalk it up to bad decision making and give up on this chance forever?
Sunday, October 16, 2005
So last night I come home nice and sauced up ready for a real heart-to-heart with the man and lo and behold, he is not answering his phone! In my drunken mind this can only mean one thing... he's obviously screwing some other girl already. So after numerous calls gone unanswered, I decide to leave a message speaking my mind on this subject. I think it pretty much went along the lines of slurring many words and making the accusation that I believed he was at the present moment occupied in bed with one of the hoochies that has been chasing him around since the day I met him.
What's funny though, is after this lovely, several minute long message, I decide I feel guilty about this little maneuver and want to call back and apologize for my retardedness. Well, this was a problem seeing as my mutiple long-winded messages have at this point somehow completely filled up his voicemailbox and I can no longer fix my little slip-up.
So great, now I just look like a complete idiot and have to sit back and wait for him to call me and tell me so. Lovely! I think I need an intervention..
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
--Sarah Dunn, The Big Love
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
I wish that making decisions and following through with them was not such a taxing effort. I thought that maybe I would be able to relax a little bit once I got my life in order, but unfortunately "getting my life in order" has turned it upside down.
I guess only time will tell...
Friday, October 7, 2005
It seems so strange to me to be alone.
Maybe it's not so much the aloneness that its strange, but the
absence I feel.
I find myself running in circles to keep up with myself,
But at the end of each day, when I crawl into bed, it is too quiet.
Though I try so hard not to... I miss you.