orange county to be exact.

So it appears that I will be making a trip to the L.A. area in the next couple of months... isn't that crazy?!? I need some feedback. Am I nuts? 

I've never been anywhere... expecially anywhere with the potential to be as much fun as that, or with any company that great...so needless to say I am really quite excited! *desipte the fact that Mr. OC thinks I'm freaking out ;)

So... I guess we'll see... :)

california.

As I am not known to be the silly, spur-of-the-moment type, I find myself a little surprised by the chain of events in my life through the past few days.

I don't really go out to the clubs on weekdays- it's rarely fun, it's an unusual/weak crowd, and the music sucks. Well THANK GOODNESS I let Vanessa twist my arm into checking out Belvedere Thursday night. What a trip! Fun atmosphere, great music, and even better company. Yes, that means you, Mr. OC. Who else?

Let's just say I will never underestimate the older, handsome, business traveller EVER again!

my heart hurts.

I've heard that there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord.
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth,
The minor fall, the major lift,
The baffled king composing "Hallelujah"

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya.
Well she tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew: "Hallelujah..."

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Baby, I've been here before
I know this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya.
But I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Our Love is not a victory march!
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah...

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

There was a time
You let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do ya?
And remember when I moved ya?
The holy dark was moving too,
And every breath we drew was: "Hallelujah..."

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya.
It's not a cry you can hear at night,
It's not someone who's seen the light,
It's a cold and broken Hallelujah...

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah...

shams.

It's funny how things work out. You're going along about your life just fine, when all of a sudden you wake up, as if from a very long, hazy dream, to find out that it was all a sham. Everything your mind (or heart) tricked you into believing has totally dissapeared in the blink of an eye. And you find yourself standing there wondering, "what happened?" "where did I go wrong?" "what have I done to deserve finding myself in this ditch of complete hopelessness?"

All questions that I cannot answer. The funny thing is... as much as I would think that I would be broken, sad, and reduced to tears at the drop of a hat, I just don't feel that way. I feel betrayed. I feel used. I feel like I was taken for a fool. 

I am angry. 
I am bitter. 
I am numb.