houston.

I was driving up to downtown last night, just soaking in the view and it occured to me...

Is this really my life? How proud am I of myself for making it to the big city and making it here on my own.  It's always what I wanted!! And there is nothing that I adore more than the skyline at night... and it's the view from my 25 foot window at my apartment! ~sigh~

I guess on some level I am living the dream! woo hoo!

what i realize.

So today, after spending the evening in my fancy apartment all alone I realized that something about me has changed.  I don't even know what it is that spurred this realization, but it became very obvious to me almost immediately.

I do not believe in love at first sight. Simple as that... I used to, and I remember that I used to because I secretly hoped that somewhere I would turn around and lock eyes with a man who I would instantly know was made for me.  

I am aware of how silly that sounds. But I swear I am not a dilusional nitwit. Unfortunately it dawned on me today that I no longer have even a glimmer of that hope left in me at all.  Maybe it's the fact that I have grown up, maybe it's just that I have finally become realistic about how silly the whole concept of love is.

I have been dating for almost a decade, I have had multiple failed relationships, hundreds of unreturned phone calls, and thousands of kisses. But for what? I am 23 years old, I am alone, and I don't even believe in love at first sight anymore.

post bar musings.

2am and I'm still awake writing a song,
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer
Inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to.

And i feel like i'm naked
in front of a crowd
cause these words are my diary
screaming out loud
and i know that you'll use them
however you want to.