What is my civil war about? Is it the fear of being held in the warmth of familiar love versus the fear of running through the fog searching for love? Each holds its own terrors, extracts its own pound of flesh.
Flesh. Now we draw closer. Can I soften to love, with the full knowledge of the suffering I welcome in? Thomas Merton said the love we most cherish will, of necessity, bring us pain. Because that love is like the setting of a body with broken bones.
But I want to stage the setting. I want to direct the scenes.