Saturday, January 19, 2008

obligatory ambition.

It's Saturday night and I'm at work. 
Am I supposed to be? No. 
Did anyone ask me to be? No. 

I have this really weird feeling of obligation to be here like ALL the time. I'm not sure if it's because I'm just ambitious and I really want to make sure that everything happening under my roof is in order, OR if it's because I feel like I HAVE to. Like I'm less of a person, less of a professional or less of a leader if I don't show up. 

After a night like last night I think "Well, I don't really need to be here, they're fine, and they can handle whatever comes up." Then I come into work tonight and no one is prepared. I feel like the mother hen barking out orders, making everyone get up on their toes because they sure weren't on them when I popped in.

Those are the things that worry me. Like, what if I finally get comfortable enough to the point where I can just stay home and enjoy my evening and everything goes awry? Then I guess it's my fault for not being here and making sure that all my little ducks are in a row.


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