hostage.

Angst-y writing: I used to love it. I thrived on the rush of feelings that would come pouring out of my fingertips and onto this page. But now, so much has changed, and I've forgotten how to do it. I don't even know where it comes from anymore. I used to sit down no less than once a week and pound out something stirring to reflect the torment that my soul was being wrought through. I hate to think that just because the emotional torment is gone, that the writing is gone too...

Jerry and I have talked about this several times since we've gotten together, mostly because he has the same problem as I do in this regard. We're happier now than we've ever been because we're together and more in love with each other than either of us could have imagined. But separately as friends, we were two very creative people riddled with angst and a constantly throbbing presence of internal turmoil that could only lend itself to an outlet such as "blog writing". Really painful, heart-wrenching blog writing. These were the days of drinking ourselves under on a daily basis, dating inappropriate people for the sake of companionship, and making bad decisions in a flailing attempt to "fix" ourselves.

I remember this. Vividly. More so at some times than others, but it's still there. I just can't tap into it, which I hate. No one wants to read bright and shiny blogs. They are no fun, and fewer people can relate to them. They certainly do not stir emotion and opinion quite the way a well written angst-y blog does. They do not rouse people you haven't talked to in months to send you messages regarding your sanity and/or proximity to suicidal actions. (Those were my favorites guys, and I love ya for the concern but I was never crazy, promise. LOL!)

Sure I get stressed now, worry a little bit here and there about inconsequential things, but I am not sad, I do not struggle with my inner demons, and I have no one in my life torturing my emotions. So what the hell do I write about?? I am going to figure this out. I am determined to overcome this writers block that is holding my favorite creative outlet hostage.

Stay tuned... I have theories and I am willing to test them at my own expense! ;)