Tuesday, January 16, 2007


It's after 3am and that is never a good sign for my blogs. It means that I am restless and introspective. Not that being introspective is bad, it just means there is something weighing heavily on my mind. 

I said in an earlier bulletin that "what if you wake up one day and realize something that you've known all along?" There is some serious thought behind that. I am a very internal problem solver. While the rest of the world slumbers peacefully, I am here, awake, wondering what to do about the whirlwind of feelings that is absolutely consuming every fiber of my being.

I woke up this morning with a new perspective on life. I found myself fluttering in my stomach and thinking about you all day...

I know you're reading this. You read all of my blogs. So what do I do now? I'm scared. I've always been scared of you. But you knew that... I told you way back when... You know me better than anyone, and yet you are still around. Why? What is it that you see that no one else sees? What is it that you see that I myself cannot see? I think I struggle with this so much because I still do not know myself as well as I should. I have never been so overwhelmed with a desire to follow what I feel in my heart as well as a debilitating fear of making a disastrous decision...

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