the tired cycle.

I'm tired.
I'm tired, and I can't sleep, and I'm stressed out.
Plus I have a biopsy of a Fibroadenoma (golf ball sized tumor) in my right breast Monday morning.
All things that are contributing to a crappy day.

At the very least, I am supposed to stay healthy, strong, and not stressed for the sake of the baby. I feel like I'm doing the very best that I can, but it's really difficult to accomplish those things when I can't sleep. I don't think maybe I was cut out to carry a baby. My narrow hips and tiny ass don't give way to the changes a growing baby demands. I'm hurting and more sore than from any workout I've ever had. I knew that my ligaments would stretch- they have to for everyone- but my GOD, I can hardly walk, let alone sleep. It gets worse when I lay down, because then my hips start to throb and my legs start to tingle... so I'm constantly moving around trying to find a comfy spot. If I'm lucky, I get 4 hours of sleep a night. Not 4 hours straight, but like 2 hours here and 2 hours there. And I'm only 24 weeks along.

Then there's the boob thing. I've always had huge ones. It's genetic. My mom, and my grandmothers on both sides of the family are very well-endowed, but I put all three of them to shame. PRE-PREGNANCY. Duh, I know your breasts grow during pregnancy, that's a given, but there was this pesky little problem beforehand- the fibroadenoma. I had it tested by MD Anderson Cancer Center in 2006 and thankfully it was benign, so they left it be. (How lucky am I to live so close to quite possibly the best cancer facility in the nation?) They said since I was so young, and it didn't seem to present a problem, that they were going to leave it alone an monitor it periodically as the years go by. I personally thought it would just be better to go ahead and get it out of there... no tumor, no possible future problems, right?

Well now I'm pregnant and my hormones are going psycho crazy, my breasts are growing to alarming proportions and the doctors are worried. Not worried that it could suddenly be cancerous, but that it could be causing me major problems now that it's reacting with the sudden tissue growth and ever-changing hormone levels. So... they're going to test it again. They keep telling me not to worry, but when I ask, they don't want to be too specific. My OBGYN says that there is a real possibility that due to hormone related changes and movement that they'll want to remove it before the baby is born. Ah... if they had only taken it out 4 years ago when it WASN'T a problem... instead of facing the possibility of having surgery while I'm pregnant. (Which from what I understand is not necessarily the best scenario for me or baby.)

So I'm trying not to stress... and trying to think positive. Luckily I have great doctors, and I feel very comfortable that they will do everything right by me and my baby. So we will see...