Tuesday, October 31, 2006

do i play 2nd?

I have lots of things running around in my head so I'm not sure how to even approach this. But lately I've been feeling like I'm playing 2nd all the time. I know that I am my own person and that I am fully capable of having my own situations and carrying on my own life. However, I find myself in all these situations where I feel like I'm just the "supporting actor". Not that I'm a conceited, self-centered person or anything, but when is it ever going to be about me?

No one ever asks how I'm doing, and when they do, it seems like their attention span isnt even long enough to hear my response. I listen to everyone's problems, advise on everyone elses concerns and smile in the background while someone else takes the spotlight. I think at some point I just got tired of trying to compete with all the "shining stars" around me and just gave up. I suppose that's why I know so many people, but don't really "know" them. And it's also a real possibility that so many people that I have met before more often than not don't even remember me. 

I think it's sad. Makes me kinda feel like a chump. Not cool.

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