Thursday, June 8, 2006

fantasy weekend.

Now that it's been a couple of days, I think I have come off my little cloud enough to write a bit.

Everyone knows that Vegas is awesome. You literally cannot go wrong no matter what you do. All of the major hotels are great, the food is fantastic, the entertainment is unmatched, and the clubs are always bumpin. Even if you don't gamble (which I really don't) there are still endless things to do. That being said- you would think a vacation on those terms could not get much better.  

I went out there trying to be as unassuming as possible. Ok- first of all, this guy finds me interesting enough to want to spend time with me. This is a good thing. On top of that, he thinks enough of me to fly me out there and set it all up so that I do not have to lift a finger other than packing a bag and showing up at the airport. Pretty nice little package deal, am I wrong? Needless to say, I didn't know quite what to expect. I obviously like the guy, find him interesting and engaging and whatnot, or else I don't think I would have bothered trying to spend three whole days with him again. 

So he's totally adorable when I get in... not in a cutesy way- obviously he's an attractive man- I'm talking fidgety and nervous to the point where I could totally tell he didn't know what to expect from me any more than did I know what to expect from him. Anyway- that didn't last long at all, and I knew it wouldn't. Because in spite of everything else that I find so attractive about him, probably my favorite thing is the conversation we have. We literally talked non-stop the entire trip. Never have I been around someone for such a long period of time and not run out of things to talk about. 

That could be because we have eighty million things in common- which is also a first for me. And I'm starting to notice a trend here- namely that things are so easy with Mr. OC. Not easy like everything's handed to me, but easy like this is the way things were supposed to be all along. Had I known that things could be like this with a guy, I would not have wasted so much time on the other worthless guys I have dated in the past. I am learning- which is good- who wants to go through their entire life not learning anything new? I'm learning that it's ok to not be the strong one, it's ok to let him take the lead, it's ok to not be so neurotic about stupid small things. Wow- is this actually a grown-up I am dealing with? Amazing.

I digress... so the weekend was fabulous. Suite at a four star hotel, fine dining at fancy restaurants, laughing and playing at the pool, sightseeing, hitting up some INCREDIBLE clubs, and high end shopping. It was hard to leave. Yes the trip was fun- but the man was better! That was the part that was hard to leave. And here is where I find my problem.

Stupid me- did I forget that he lives in California? And that I live in Texas? And if I'm LUCKY I may get to see him once every several weeks? This was not the kind of weekend you walk away from feeling nonchalant about. You don't have offhand memories of a weekend like this. I'm invested. I'm wrapped up. I'm upside down for crying out loud! This is not what I wanted to be feeling. I wanted to go, have a good time, come home, and not think too much about it until maybe we got the chance to see each other again. Not happening. Not at all. 

So now what? Do I play it cool and wait it out? Do I become more aggressive and make some pro-active moves? Do I just stop thinking about it and let it run its course? I don't know... I do know that he called me 3 times when I was at the airport on my way back home. And I also know I've gotten more emails and texts than ever before from him this week. And it's only been 3 days. 

I can say that from the pictures I have showed other people, I am getting the same reaction- "Wow, Rach, you look so happy." Imagine that. I never knew that I didn't always look happy. I guess he brings out the best in me. But I already knew that...

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