Friday, June 16, 2006


That's not a very accurate title. Because I am not doing any sleeping right now. I'm restless. I'm thinking too much and it's not letting me sleep. Thinking about how complicated my life has gotten. How the coolest guy I've ever met lives on the opposite side of the country. We're keeping it casual- I mean, realistically, how often can we see each other? I can't make a commitment to a guy I hardly ever see! Am I dating? No. Have I been hooking up with other guys? No. Why? Because I don't want to. At the end of the day I would rather go home alone than be with someone else. It's really ridiculous when it comes right down to it. And yet, I feel myself getting immersed in it more and more every day. It appears that he has more self control than I do because he doesnt get all swept up and mushy about things. Unless he's been out drinking. 

Then it comes out. The infamous drunk dial. The inhibitions are lowered and Mr. "Together" becomes a big softie. I think he might be afraid of me. Afraid of what I mean and how I may play into his life. I think he's afraid that if he lets himself care about me too much that it's going to screw things up for him. He's got it together. He's got a great job, he travels, he gets to do whatever he wants on the weekends, and he has no obligations. Nice little bubble he lives in there in Orange County. 

Then I come along. I am unexpected. I am young and free and do not have the baggage women his age have. I think I have thrown him off course. He remembers the most obscure details of my life. Details that guys I was with for years didn't even remember. He tells me constantly how much I surprise him and how he continues to be more impressed by me every day. He tells me I am the coolest chick he has ever met and why hasn't someone snatched me up yet? He tells me all kinds of things that you only tell someone you're really interested.   

But he lives in California. And I live in Texas.

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